The Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings Review

Written by: Ice Cold Tabasco 
So, is The Witcher 2 a good game? Yes. Is it the best RPG I’ve ever played? No.

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The Witcher franchise, as a whole, has garnered rather favorable reception from critics, with its apex widely considered to be the recently released Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt. Now, I personally have strayed from the Witcher franchise for no particular reason, just a general disinterest I suppose. I enjoy the fantasy genre and RPGs, so why wouldn’t the Witcher 2: Assassins of Kings be able to saunter onto my radar and come out being considered a fantastic piece of game? Well, with over 23 hours of this game under my belt, I have many choice words for this games favor, as well as many for is developers to mull over.

The first thing that you notice and will eventually salivate over is how great this game actually looks, especially how color filled it is. Thankfully The Witcher 2 has fallen prey to the better side of gamings trend toward better graphics without having everything doused in dank browns and greys like many other titles. You’ll often just sit back and enjoy what a visual spectacle that has been prepared for you, hair swaying, tassels bouncing on the character, flora flowing with the winds; everything blends together to make such a believable visual style that manages to remain all its own. In terms of graphical and aesthetic prowess, The Witcher 2 can stand toe to toe with any of the next gen releases, and even come out on top in many areas.

Protagonist Geralt of Rivia

While the game is very pretty, the story, while set in world of rich history and believability, leaves much to be desired. Maybe it is because I lack the investment from the first game, but the stakes never feel like they should. I mean, further down the line your to repel a fucking invasion; the unfortunate thing being is that the whole thing is turned into essentially Horde mode, beat one wave after another to progress in the story. I mean this happens a lot in many situations if not all, this “kill everyone to progress to the next level” mentality. Even when you kill a FUCKING DRAGON, the thing is easier than the first boss in the FUCKING GAME. The characters also feed into this tone, as, while the voice actors try, I kinda get the feeling they were only performing at half their capacity as they don’t pump the player for any major plot events as they should.

Still, even if the the events of the story lack weight, the decisions do. Im sure if you were to replay the game again, the decisions would feel less dynamic and spontaneous, but that's what they felt like. As if I could’ve chosen a different path and wildly change the outcome of things, creating a real tension when you do have to make these choices. Some are bullshit though, like when you are given the choice to help someone who busted you from prison or give a sword to someone who is aiding you tracking a kingslayer, with the ultimate decision having either character you chose tag along with you the rest of the game. Still, while story lackluster, the decisions are weight filled and consequential, to a tad of a fault in some instances.

Great looking game, honestly

Combat is a mixed bag. First, praise should be given to how layered it is, as you could increase damage dealt with various oils, potions and trophies. This kind of complexity will be sure to get you out of a tight jam more than you realize, especially early game. While layered, this complexity seems to become irrelevant later down the line, as you’ll have more powerful equipment that will compensate the damage you couldn’t deal prior, at earlier levels. Magic is also thrown into the mix, but with mixed results as you will make the most use out of one, Aarnd, which essentially force pushes opponents. Despite how seeming layered the combat is, I hate how the leveling system is incredibly lopsided, favoring basic melee attacks over the other mechanics. The melee combat is still rather good, though a little variance in leveling would be nice, as alchemy and magic become underutilized in late game, hurting you more than you think.

Complementing the combat was the surprising amount of enemy variety. You got scores of different monsters and scores of different types of men to fight. You’ll face harpies, knights, zombie-like things, crossbowmen, insectoids, and much much more. Each enemy has specific fighting patterns you can utilize to your advantage or suffer for naught, it all feels very dynamic and satisfying when you blow through a horde with only sliver of you life bar remaining. Bosses are a bit anticlimactic though. There was this huge build up a some point to fight this giant fire demon, who died in like ten hits. I wish more challenge was brought here as with the other enemies.

So, is The Witcher 2 a good game? Yes. Is it the best RPG I’ve ever played? No. While much of the game is rather great, and it presents itself rather well, these little minor hindrances here and there bring down what could’ve been a rather fantastic game. If these problems were fixed, maybe this game would be fixed, this game would rank highly with me, easily one of my favorite games of all time even. But sadly, that isn’t the case.

Verdict

7/10

Good

(Movie Night) Kung Fu Hustle Review

Written by: Ice Cold Tabasco

Kung Fu Hustle is one to THE greatest movies I have ever seen.

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I feel I’ve sufficiently established myself as a video game critic, so naturally, I’ve decided to post a movie review. Honestly, yes I will primarily be reviewing video games, but, I felt so compelled to write this that I could hardly contain myself.

Kung Fu Hustle is one to THE greatest movies I have ever seen. There is no hyperbole, I’m confident in the fact that if I were to ever put out a “Best Movies of All Time” list, this would in the top ten, if not the top FIVE. There is just so much that this movie does so right, that it does so well, that I found myself constantly repeating the same, singular phrase of, “This is amazing!” while, LITERALLY on the brink of tears from the sheer joy that is Kung Fu Hustle. This film's greatest triumphs is what many others of its kind fail to do, establish its mood and maintain that atmosphere through the entire thing.

From the get go you're bombarded by over the top, hilarious, and cartoony shit that it’s impossible to mistake this for a anything other that a comedy. Where movies like Kill Bill tend to confuse the audience by having seemingly conflicting feels, Kung Fu Hustle never makes a mistake in this department. While, yes, there is some mild drama to drive the plot, it never drowns out the sort of spontaneous and impossible world that it places you in. You will constantly scratching you head at some of the superhuman feats that are accomplished here, albeit in a good way (if that's at all possible).

Fight scenes are SO GOOD!

That’s actually a great way to describe the FANTASTIC fight scenes in this film, super-FUCKING-human. Though I hate to make the comparison, the action sequences are reminiscent of the generic anime crap, save being FAR from crap. There is so much style and visual flair and creative direction and character- AHH, it's hard not to love! Your jaw will be permanently glued to your foot at how amazing the fight scenes are here, they fail to be hindered by the rather dated CGI that over seventy five percent are made by. You have old land ladies shouting people’s clothes to shreds, limbs flying off from a recently tossed hatchet, heads pummeled (LITERALLY) into floors, and people turning into GODDAMNED FROGS. While all this may sound a contradictory of my last statement, once you see this film, it will all become clear.

While the SFX department and choreographers deserve literal tons of praise, I refuse to let that pesky story get away. While it isn’t anything that would be considered oscar worthy, it has the right amount of intentional cheese, great characters, and writing. There is a lot to love with how this move plays out, especially with the heroes and villains that sprout up. While not the highlight, the story manages to hold up the movie one hundred percent.

There's really nothing I can harp this movie on, other than its dated CGI with I have granted exception due to its age. Its a grand kung fu spectacle that will enthrall you in it's impossible, comical and fantastic world. A must have to any ones collection, digital or otherwise.

★★★★★

Five Stars

Must Own